I'm a horrible fucking person

Yesterday I possibly made the biggest mistake of my life, or at the very least made myself to the lowest I've ever been.

I broke up with Anita, and I feel like shit. Here I am at work, completely out of focus from the day and all I can think about is how disgustingly selfish of a human being I am.

I made myself out to believe I was right in my thoughts, we had been fighting every week and everytime ended in her getting mad and crying. I thought it's not worth the stress, I can't take anymore of it. I felt that we had become complete opposites in personality, I'm open minded, a bit of an asshole and hard to find something that I won't try. She's humble with not trying things she doesn't know, kind and caring. It felt like we just couldn't agree on anything, not in simple conversation or what to do or where to go.

I would think couples should go do things together because they both want to be there together, not because one is going just because he/she doesn't want to start an argument. That's how I felt, I felt like everywhere I took her she only went because I wanted her to come with me, not because she was happy to be along and participate.

The thing is, even with all the things I thought wrong I still care about her. I mean it's hard not to, especially when she geniunely cared for me, and with as much of an asshole I can be at times I never, EVER like to see people I care about cry because of me. It hurts me, a lot, to know that I'm the reason, it's my fault.

I hoped she would be mad at me, get angry yell at my face and tell me off, I could have left and it would have been over. But she cried, I didn't know what to do, I felt like the most pathetic piece of shit, because of me I hurt someone who cared for me, and I don't know why anymore....