Fucking Pissed

I'm just in the middle of one of those days where I'm pissed the fuck off. I have to write about because if I don't do something I'm going to go insane. No point in bitching to my roomies, like they give a shit and I sure as hell don't mean to seem pathetic to people that I personally know, but hell, seeming pathetic to random bystanders who stumble on my blog, I couldn't give a shit. Not like anyone fucking views this thing.

I have done, NOTHING, all fucking weekend. Last weekend, I did the same. And at this point it's getting really fucking old. I have so much freedom now that I'm single and what do I even do with it? Sit here, maybe clean my car? I don't get it. I can't think of anything TO do. I have this opportunity to go out and meet someone new, but I can't. I don't even know where to start. Trying to talk to people online is pointless after EVERY fucking email turns into I write a message, one in ten I get a response, then I reply, AND THEN FUCKING NOTHING. Chaffs me is all. I don't have the luxury to go driving around town. I don't have some sort of super hangout that I go to after work. Where would I go anyways? Can't go to the bars till over another month, and beyond that what is there? Go to clubs that I can't dance at, wander around stores that I can't afford to buy anything in, sit around wondering WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING? Yea that's it, I think I'll sit around and contemplate doing something off in ideally world which is a thousand miles past FantasyLand after making a left on PoorChoice road.

I want some kind of escape from this boredom, this unproductiveness, this lonely I fucking hate missing anyone attitude that I have. I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy, but for fucks sake a little bit of support from somewhere other than the little demon in the back of my head would be FUCKING awesome. And in case you happen to check this sometime Anita this is not me missing you, I can't, and I don't, I am just pissed that... maybe I'm not as great as I had hoped. And maybe I'm not worth someone elses attention because I'm not getting it. It's not like anyone ever stops me and says, "oh hey, you look like a proud honest type, I'd like to know more about you" NO, it doesn't fucking happen. What happens is I come off like a needy fucking dog. I'm fucking pissed, why am "I" so bent out of shape on it all? I don't clearly for sure know, there's just this pot stew mixture of emotions and all of them seem to be at the boiling point.

Fuck this, fuck everyone else, fuck them all, and fuck you.